let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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