awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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