I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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