We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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