a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
