God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
