Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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