omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
