I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize