I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
