Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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