Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
