someone threw a dead crab at me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
