I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
