we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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