She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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