You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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