I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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