my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
