why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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