first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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