I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
