What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize