I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
