So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize