she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
