I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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