The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
