i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
