I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
