4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
