So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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