he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
