Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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