then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
