I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize