She is in my trunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
