So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
last night I used snow as a chaser
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
