but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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