Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
