Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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