I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
