Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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