THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
