Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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