maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
