oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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