this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
