Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
