so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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