A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
