My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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