Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
