the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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