just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
