This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize