I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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