Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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