Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
