this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
