i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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