I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize