I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
